How I Deal with the Broken Heart

Take each day at a time, I tell myself
So I do, then I find that I am living in emptiness
The immediate past had been wiped out
There is no future, I think
But time is a great healer, I tell my self
I don’t really believe it, but I wait
The minutes turn into hours, the hours into days and then weeks
I discover that when my heart breaks, it’s not just the question
It’s more than a sound that I hear over and over again in the darkest part of the night
It’s more the feeling at the back of the head that there is not enough oxygen in the world to fill my lungs
It’s more my heart floating away from my self across an ocean of tears into a hidden space, splitting again and again into smaller pieces
I don’t want to think of anything but..
I just can’t. It is not just the sense of great loss
There is rejection..
The feeling of inadequacy
The humiliation..
Am not really sure about it
The determination that next time………
Or maybe there would be no next time.
How long did it last??
It could have been weeks. Or months. It feels like always
It feels as though there has never been anything but loneliness
And the self loathing
But life goes on, I tell my self
That is the great thing about life. It goes on.
Carrying you with it, forcing you to smile and be polite to strangers
Until there sthe day I find my self, inspite of returning to my misery
And soon I realize that everything was still in good working order,
and nothing was damaged. I am well into the next stage.
That is the one where I stare at my self in the mirror a lot and decide that despite the fact that my major organ has been ruptured, I am not that ugly.
The one where I tell my reflection that there is another people around
Thank you very much.